I try to win at a game
I have never learned to play.
Teachers at a job centre once said
I must have a learning disorder.
Now I know they are not wrong.
I have a hard time learning
certain things.
So why do I keep trying to play?
Some part of me wants to help others,
some part of me wants accolades.
Some part of me wants to make my own way,
some part of me wants community.
I know I’m not alone; others feel just the same.
Why does my mind play such tricks on me?
Some days I believe I’m abandoned
and some days I feel I don’t have value.
But I have been crowded and felt I didn’t have value
even then. And yet some part of me knew
that I did have value, but I was allowing
my vision of the world’s imagined vision of me
to cloud my view – and my actions.
I seek a true view, I seek solitude, I seek
community, I seek freedom.
I seek a new beginning, I seek
a place to call my own
where I am free to invite
sangha in.
I am home within myself.
That’s what the sage says.
I find refuge in him.
LiaThePoet 